Do's and Don't's for Housesitters

Written on behalf of a friend:
Do
Feel free to cook meals, watch TV, surf the net
Use the bathroom facilities
Sleep in the bed (see how I put in new sheets, just for you?)
Use what's in the fridge

Don't
Break my dishes. One or two I understand - accidents happen. More than that and I just wonder if I've somehow made you angry. Learn from your mistakes!
Not clean up after yourself. This is not a hotel.
Wear my clothes and not wash them. At least try to hide that you wore my clothes.
Bring someone into my bed. You want to have friends over, fine. But have someone over for the night? Not so much. Especially when you...
Leave a condom in my garbage can, fom which you have so kindly removed the liner. Really? Actually? Come on, now. Now I'm wondering who you did what with, whether or not it was localized to my bed, and if you were wearing my clothes when you started. All of which I wish ever so much I didn't have to wonder. Now excuse me as I throw out my damaged property, wash everything with hydrogen peroxide, and burn the (unwashed) bed sheets.