Thoughts

"I may not be where I want to be, but I'm sure as hell not where I was"

I totally stole that from someone (points if you can name who!), but it's something that lately, I think I need to remind myself of. I feel like right now I'm so busy trying to do everything that I'm losing myself. It's a confusing feeling, though, because all these things I'm trying to do are so closely identified with my sense of self that to not do them would make me worry about the same thing. And there's no one thing that's causing it all; I love my friends, and yet lately I feel like I'm not there for them enough, like there's something I'm not doing. I'm not taking a lot of classes; in fact, this is the lightest courseload I've ever had.

But my mind wanders, and in directions that I've spent the past year blocking off. I know that this is normal, I was half expecting it to come kick me in the ass at some point. I guess it's only to be expected that now, just when I think I may have finally gotten over it, it would come back out of the blue, and remind me that I'm not as strong as I may have hoped. It's a horrible feeling, having gotten so far, and fallen down. All there is in front of you is the awful knowledge of what it will take you to get back to where you were.

And so, I need to remember. Remember that I'm safe, that I have friends that will catch me when I can't catch myself. That there are so many amazing people out there that I love, and that don't believe for a second in all the things I'm scared of. I have to remember that as I know better than others the great things life holds for them, there are others that know the same of me. I have to remind myself that no matter how far I may slip, I'll still have come so far. That I'm here, with my family and friends. That every day I'm surrounded by beautiful, amazing girls that are just starting to discover things I now take for granted. I have to remember that some people can't be here anymore, and we have to make our lives big for them.

I'm not completely where I want to be, and lately I've felt lost as to where I want to go. But I know where I don't want to go, and if I can just keep off that road for long enough, I know I'll be fine.

I'm back!

This time, I'm even going to write you an actual post. Odd, no? Not so odd? That the subject is food. Thinking back, I've written more often about food than any other subject I can recall. Food is important. Especially to me.

Right now, however, food is irritating. Let me recount my day, to give you an idea of what I'm dealing with. I woke up this morning at 7 am. Not because I was so magnificently well-rested that I just couldn't wait to get a start to my day, no, but because my stomach hurt. A lot.

I can't quite explain the pain...it wasn't sharp, but it was very present. And as it moved me further through the stages of consciousness, it added on a vague sense of nausea. I didn't get sick, thank god, but I think that was mostly because the moment I realized what that gross feeling was, my head kicked in with "you can't get sick! You have too much to do!". So, in keeping with my solution for tummy aches back when I was a child, I lay in bed on my front, with my hand under my stomach (I don't know why, but the added pressure on my stomach always seems to help). I also tried grinning, which according to Sara on CSI, suppresses the gag reflex. I can't comment on the grinning, but the hand remedy did its job, and I drifted back to sleep.

However, upon getting up, that vague sense of flelch came back, and so I didn't eat anything for breakfast. This meant that by lunch time, I was starving. So when I got home, I ate. And while I don't feel sicker, I don't feel better either, AND I don't feel full. Which means that whatever it is my body is craving, I've yet to hit upon it. And trust me, I'm running out of options, espeically since I'm trying to avoid foods that might irritate grouchy Ms. Digestive System further. I feel like that guy from the greek myths, starving while surrounded by food. Except that I can eat it, it just doesn't help.

Right, back to the fridge.

I Have Babies!

14 of them, to be exact! Recruitment (aka "get involved UBC") is now over, and I have 14 amazing new girls in the sorority. So excited. Also so exhausted. But if you were wondering where I'd been, wonder no more; once again, recruitment sucks me into the abyss. Love it.

Funny story...

Hee. This is totally an aside, but I've been getting comment spam. I find it highly amusing. "Anonymous" thinks my blog is clear and useful! I'm not sure what "Anonymous" thinks is so useful about my blog, but hey, whatever rocks your cradle.

So...last Tuesday, I went with some of the girls to Celebrities, what is (to my knowledge) the most well-known gay bar in Vancouver. Now, apparently, Tuesday is "straight night", but we were basically going to have a fun girls night, unadulterated by drunk stupid sleazy guys trying to pick us up. Have to say, I generally can't get picked up if I want to, me even in the most meat market-y bars; I apparently have a very clear "stay the hell away from me" emission. It isn't on purpose, I just do.

So we go to this bar, and what happens? I get picked up. That's right, the girls who never gets picked up is picked up in a GAY BAR. And not by a gay guy, thank you. By a very nice, intelligent guy. Who also happens to be pretty hot. And likes books, and logic puzzles (what? oh whatever, I'm a dork, I don't want to hear it). We "talked" (read: yelled over incredibly loud music, and probably misunderstood each other completely) for 3 hours. And on Friday, we went on a date.

It was our first and last date, and it was fun; we went to dinner, and just talked and talked. There wasn't really any huge chemistry, which is weird, because he is really attractive. But he's also older (by enough to be weird for me, if not for others, yes Tessa, Girly, T, I know you think it's not that old!), and in a completely different place in his life. And aside from that, we have almost too much in common, which...was a little freaky. Heh.

But it's kind of neat; I've now gone out with someone I'd met only once prior, who had no connection whatsoever with my friends. And it wasn't awful.

Plus, it's amusing. I got picked up in a gay bar.

Here I am Again...

It's the first day of school. This is my 18th first day of school without breaks between, and that's not counting preschool. That...is insane. But yay! School! I mean, I don't love the midterms etc., but I can't wait to see everyone!

Sunday night I went out to The Royal. I'd actually never been there, which is kind of odd, since all my friends go with some regularity. I had a lot of fun, dancing and talking. But I was definitely tired yesterday. I'm getting old.

Yesterday I went shopping with Peek. It was fun, and I bought five (eek!) shirts. One weird trend in Labour Day shopping was...DJs. Seriously. Three stores we went into had live DJs. Now, while I can see why this may seem like a good idea, there are some serious flaws. First of all, the stores are packed. It's Labour Day! You can't just plant a DJ with full equipment in the middle of the floor! It ruins the traffic flow! One store did manage to circumvent this by putting the DJ in the display window. And second, when I'm shopping, generally I'm talking with my shopping buddy, as we bounce opinions off each other. If "Pon de Replay" is blasting out of the speakers so loud we can't hear each other, I have a problem.

So the moral of my unexpected rant is, "don't put DJs in clothing stores". Heh. Have a great day, all.

Hola

Hey y'all!

So lots has been going on lately, but I won't be writing about some of it until a bit later, just cause. So here's what I will write about.

I read the third Traveling Pants book. So good. But I only had a chance to read it once through, and it was in a rush, so I kinda want to go over my favourite parts again (really good books I never read only once. I go over and over the pages until I've sucked them dry, and then do it again. Obsessive? Quite likely). Sigh, I love those books.

I babysat tiny, two month old twin girls. They were adorable little mites, and it was the first time in a long long time that I took care of actual babies. I mean, I've taken care of toddlers aplenty lately, but babies are another story. But they are very, very cute. Now if only babies didn't spit so much. And scream. Two funny things;

At one point, I was holding one of them, and she got really hungry (the family was moving, which is why the feeding wasn't done right away; the parents weren't neglectful or anything). I was wearing a tank top, and she just started sucking on my shoulder. Hard. I turned to her, and said "Hey, you: y'aren't gonna get milk from me anywhere, let alone my shoulder". She didn't stop.

One of the babies had a darker complexion, and black hair - I was holding her, walking her around, and I went into the bathroom. I don't know where my head was, but when I looked in the mirror, I had a total twilight zone moment; yep, thought she was my baby. Have to say, quite terrifying. Heh.

T's bro got in some major trouble in Europe (that's what the last entry was about). He's okay, but shaken up, and so's everyone around him. But the important part is that he's home, and he's going to be fine.

School, and therefore recruitment, starts soon. Which means the madness continues! Whoooo! Love you all, and hopefully, I'll write a cohesive, non point-form entry sometime soon.

Hurry Up, Fall!

This has been an odd summer. too many bad things have happened for me to count. I don't know why my weird faith in life is still unshaken, but for the sake of those I love, I want this to stop. If I'm tired, I promise you that others I care about feel worse.

Why I'm Up so Early

I'm off to retreat! Be back soon!

Scrapbooking, Anyone?

So, since I last wrote, one of the things I've been doing is scrapbooking. And I loooove it. It's one drawback is that apparently, paper is incredibly expensive. It's also a bit of a problem that I'm a perfectionist; it takes me at least two hours to do a page, and people? These are not the elaborate, professional looking pages you see in art stores. But still, I like it, and it gives me something to do.

Otherwise, it's all been work. The full-time cafe coworker left for vacation, so we're all scarmbling to cover her shifts. It's a little wearing, I have to say. But c'est la vie, n'est ce pas?

Well, while today is my first day off from the cafe in some time, I'm due to babysit in an hour, so I'd better get ready. Goodbye, coffee and muffins, hello, two-month-old twins.

Goodbye Parties, Dim Sums, Birthdays, and a Wedding

Sorry it's been so long. I honestly have not had access to a computer since I last posted, which meant my email box today? Massive. In any case, I'll get back to the Penticton saga soon, but let's recount the past few days, shall we?

Last Monday (a whole week ago!) Tessa had her goodbye party. I wasn't able to stay for long, unfortunately, but what portion I did attend was good times. Although I don't quite understand why we're celebrating Tessa's abandonment of us. Stupid Edmonton. Hmpf.

Tuesday, I went to dim sum with some friends, where we ate much food, and drank much tea. Since I've described many a dim sum in this blog, I'll leave it at that.

I then met up with a friend in Holt Renfrew. I'd never really been inside the store, and I have to say, it's very fun, in a "I will never own any of this, ever" kind of way.

The next day, I went to dim sum again! (It was an excellent week, dim sum-wise) This time, however, it was birthday dim sum. We ate a lot. It was awesome. Later that day, we went to Cardero's for a double birthday dinner, which was very nice.

On Friday night, a bunch of us went out to the Buffalo Club, which the week before, had been a lot of fun. This time, it was just too crowded. You could barely breathe, let alone move, and people kept pushing and stepping on me. Was not a huge fan.

Yesterday was the wedding day for two friends of mine. It was a really sweet wedding; the bride was radiant, the groom ecstatic, and everyone cried. I'm so happy for them both; when they look at each other, you can tell there's no one else in their world. It was a beautiful wedding, a fun reception, and in general, a good time.

And now I have work to do. Hopefully I'll see you all in less than 10 days this time!

Congratulations C&L, all the best for your lives together.

Penticton, Part 1

It feels like it's been a loooong time since I updated this. There's been lots going on, but I'm going to tell you all about my trip to Penticton, because I feel like it.

So, we (me, T, Sekke, and Peek) left at about 2:30 Friday afternoon. Getting out of Vancouver took forever. On our drive up, we encountered bad smells (hello Chilliwack), an errant Lincoln Navigator (hello drug dealers), and a whole lot of cops (hello Peek, the amazing "slow down, there'll be a cop around the corner" machine. And thank you).

Upon arrival at the home of our hostess, the lovely S, we made some dinner, and met S's cousins. Cue hilarious Sekke moment number 1:

Peek: I'm Peek, what's your name?
Cousin: [Name]
T: My brother's called [Name], it's a good name.
Peek: I have a cousin named [Name]
Me: I don't have any relations named [Name], but it is a good name.
Sekke: I once hooked up with a Mormon named [Name]. (Pause) Inappropriate?
Me: He's eight!

The next day, we bought floaty lounging devices and floated down the canal, which, if you've never experienced it before, is awesome. I had a floating lounge chair, and drifted down the canal in style and comfort. We just drifted along, talking and drinking, and getting a lot of sun (thank god for sunscreen), and it was marvelous.

And, since I'm being picked up now, there ends installment 1.

Bzzzz

The kid I've been taking care of is terrified of bugs that bzzzz; flys, bees, wasps, the whole bit. It's a little inconvenient, but also kind of fascinating how such a small child (she's two) can already have such a hugely irrational fear (she hasn't been stung or anything; I asked).

The past few days have been hectic, to say the least. I haven't really had a second to breathe, it's always from one place to another. Thankfully, that should be settling down soon; one more day to go. A day packed with threading, dentistry, and working the fireworks beat. Should be fun.

Saw the Wedding Crashers tonight. Go see it. It's hilarious. No, seriously. Go now.

Just Want You to Know

Today was a good day for me to be single. And I don't mean that I had throngs of admirers throwing themselves at my feet, because I had pretty much zero contact with anybody of the male persuasion at all. I just mean that I went the whole day having fun with friends. We drove down the street with the windows open, singing at the top of our lungs to the Backstreet Boys (sorry Tessa). We talked about random nothingness, you know the conversations that are totally enjoyable at the time, but that don't stand up to recapping at all? We walked to starbucks and sat in the sun with our drinks. We watched "VH1's Top Ten Rock Beach Bodies", which was, in addition to stupid and moronic, very, very "whoooo! SKINNY!" Naturally, we had to add our own disparaging comments. It was good times.

Also good times? So You Think You Can Dance?, a ridiculous American-Idol style show, but for dance instead of song. There are some horrible dancers out there. Like really, really awful. It's a little upsetting, and yet...strangely amusing. That being said, there are also some very good dancers. I have to say though, I find the "judging" part of the show excruciating to watch; I kept changing the channel. But all in all, an entertaining show. Of course, it was no match for the show right after; my beloved Queer Eye. Sigh. I love you.

Zoomin' With Vroom

Vroom! is a soft drink that tastes like liquid fuzzy peaches. I had it at the beach today, with Tessa and Anna. The beach was nice (it was finally pretty out on a day off for me!), I mostly slept, and lay in the sun. I managed to get a little rosy on my (left) shoulder and (left) hip, which means that next time I go, I'll have to finnagle it so that my right side is getting more sun, because otherwise I'll end up resembling a "many colors of tan" palette.

Seeing Tessa and Anna again was lovely, especially since it'd been quite some time since I'd last seen them. We discussed the "We are young" song from the Telus ad, Anna's hair (layers sound hot, but the current hair is also hot, so I'd say it's a win-win, although for the love of god woman, go to a professional hairdresser, the stories you hear makes it like going to an interactive version of the funniest comedy you've ever seen), Harry Potter, sunburns, loud children, and the pros and cons of salty hair. I'd say I learned things, which means it was a productive afternoon, don't you think?

And I got to zoom with Vroom. So that makes it even more productive.

Home!

Montreal was amazing; I got to see a new city, see Girly, and go shopping, all at once. It was also ludicrously hot, plotting a convincing campaign against me ever living in the east. Humidity is not my friend. But I'll tell more about that another day, because I'm exhausted, and still haven't unpacked. So glad to have gone, but still happy to be home. I missed this city, even the rain.

One Sleep!

In one sleep, I'll be leaving for Montreal. And in what I hope will be two sleeps (depending on whether or not I can sleep on the plane), I'll arrive in Montreal!

Haven't been up to much lately, at least on paper. I've felt busy, though. Been hanging out with friends and working, basically.

Last night, with J and Tdot, I went to Granville Island to buy groceries. We then went back to Tdot's place, and mae the most amazing salad, with grilled peppers, goat cheese and stir-fried chicken. It was really, really good. Then for dessert, we had granola, yogurt and berry parfaits, granola and yogurt courtesy of the cafe. So. Good.

Anyway, I'm leaving tomorrow, after work, and I have yet to pack, so I've got to get going!

I'm going to Montreaaaaaallll!

Whoooo!

In SIX SLEEPS I will be on my way to Montreal! Whooo! And even better, another friend of mine is also going on the same day! Not on the same flight, since she doesn't have to work on Sunday, and therefore doesn't have to take the red-eye. Bitch. Totally kidding. But whooooo!

I don't have much else to say. Went out on Thursday night, had a great time, worked the weekend away, as usual.Not so much as usual, Evi and Amanda came and visited me at work, always nice. Stayed with a friend last night, and found that I am violently allergic to wither her cat, or her house as a whole, and am now completely and utterly exhausted, with a headache. Ugh. Other than that, nothing exciting. But whooooo! Six sleeps!

MEXICO!

Here, finally, are some pictures from my lovely trip to Mazatlan. Enjoy!

Costa De Oro

Costa De Oro, originally uploaded by Never Reason.

My hotel. Not bad, huh?

Insano-Kamikaze Dude

Diver, originally uploaded by Never Reason.

Seriously, this was the scariest thing I've seen anyone do on purpose. You'll be happy to know (I know I was) that he cme out unscathed, and promptly returned to land to ask for money, which, I have to say, was well earned. If the panhandlers around here were doing crazy stunts live, maybe people would be more willing to pay them.