Life of Late

Mom and Dad: Bye kids! Have fun at home for the next three and a half weeks while we traipse across Australia and New Zealand!
J-Bird and Bro: Bye!

four days later
J-Bird: Hey bro, do you smell gas? Can you call the gas company and have them test for a leak?
******
Bro: So the gas guy came. The smell? Less gas, and more the smell of meat one of us left out of the freezer, which the gas guy found. So...that was embarrassing.
J-Bird: Ha! I can't believe I missed that! Uh, we may want to keep this whole episode quiet, then. Mom'd freak if she knew we did that.
Bro: Not so much an option, you didn't let me finish. The gas guy decided to test our furnace anyway, and when he fired it up, it shot a two-foot long jet of fire out, right at the door. It was kinda scary.
J-Bird: You screamed like a girl, didn't you?
Bro: Maybe. That's not the point. Basically it was going to burn our house down, so the guy cut the gas off. We have no heat, and we need a new furnace. Oh, and mom and dad don't get home for three weeks.
J-Bird: Dammit!

intermittently, throughout the next three weeks
J-Bird or Bro: It's so freaking cold!

J-Bird: Hi C! Can I ask you a HUGE favour? ...can I use your shower?

Bro: I've decided to use the open oven to heat the house.

Bro: I'm going to [Girlfriend's name]'s house tonight.
J-Bird: I HATE that you have a girlfriend with a heated house.
Bro: You're just jealous cause you don't have a boyfriend with a warm house.
J-Bird: Yes. That was my point.

On my birthday
T and J-Bird: Everyone, we're taking pole-dancing classes!

Instructor: Hi everyone! Get yourselves settled, and then we'll get started!
Peek: Just so you know, I'm awkward.
Instructor: ...

Zelly: Does anyone else feel like our instructor is over-qualified for us?
Peek: She's my hero!

Robot Chicken
Dragon: I hope you can asexually reproduce!

On the phone, with Tessa, tonight
J-Bird: We just need to find a guy who can penetrate her shell!
Tessa: (snicker) Interesting choice of terms.
J-Bird: Huh? Oh. I'm tired! And also, I can't believe you caught that, I wouldn't have noticed at all if you hadn't said anything!
Tessa: What can I say? I'm twelve.
J-Bird: A twelve year old wouldn't even know what that meant. You're a frat boy.
Tessa: Well you should know.
J-Bird: Sigh. I know.