Wednesday, May 24, 2006


5:58 am
cellphone: beepbeep! beepbeep! beepbeep!
J-Bird: Oh god.

5:59 am
cellphone: beepbeep! beepbeep! beepbeep!
J-Bird: Shut up.

6:00 am
J-Bird: Hey. It's six. Get up.
N: I hate you.
J-Bird: I hate me too.

7:15 am
N: Oh god, do you think they reuse the hats? I did not pay $20 000 for my degree and another $40 to rent my regalia to wear a hat someone else used.
J-Bird: "I graduated and all I got was lice!"

7:30 am
N: How's my gown look?
J-Bird: ...Voluminous?
N: It's so early! I want to take a nap.
J-Bird: Good thing you're wearing that comfy nightgown, then.

8:00 am
Marshall: ...and for all you ladies wearing higher heels than you ever have before. we have, at the bottom of the exit stairs, a gentleman known as a catcher, in case you should fall. This happens every ceremony at least once or twice, but we've never needed an ambulance.

10:00 am
President of University: I present you the May 2006 graduates!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Home Cooking

My mom is unable to waste food. Leftovers are always eaten. Every part of a vegetable/fruit/cut of meat that is remotely edible is eaten. There are no exceptions, and should there ever be, we would probably mark it down as the first sign of senility. This...tendency, coupled with her hyperopia, resulted in one of the funniest meals I'vee ever eaten at home. See, my brother moved back in after his surgery, and as my parents did the actual moving, my mom cleared all the pantries, the fridge, the cupboards, and then went straight into planning how to use the new ingredients. Two nights ago, she made pasta to go with some chicken and broccoli. However, her previously mentioned farsightedness kept her from being able to read the label. And so, with our lovely (and otherwise wholesome) meal, we were served none other than penis-shaped pasta. Which I have to say, was very surprisingly...faithful in its representation. It didn't taste too bad either, although I may have been slightly unable to tell, having accidentally eaten a chili pepper while I was laughing hysterically.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Ah, Family

Today, on my way out, I noticed that there were several bags of chips stashed in the bottom of the coat closet. My mom is a huge proponent of the "everything in its place" philosophy, so it was a little surprising. Everything was made clear tonight, however:

My mom walks to the tv room holding a bag of chips
Bro: Hey mom, why are there chips in the closet?
Mom: Because I didn't want you guys to eat them all!

My mom is a chip hoarder! Honestly, you think you know someone...

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Good News!

So my bro discovered earlier this year that he was born with a birth defect in one of the openings of one kidney (prior to the chain of events that led to this discovery, he apparently thought that the recurring, nearly constant pain was "normal"), and had surgery to correct it earlier this week. The good news mentioned in the title is that it seems to have gone well, and once the stent they implanted is removed, he should be as good as new! Good news indeed.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Quote for the Day

"[Talking to Jesse Jackson] is like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."
-Stephen Colbert, at the White House Press Correspondents Dinner.