The Road To Insanity

This is me, for about a week every month. I love hormones, don't you?

1. You wake up in the morning, at first, you feel all hazy, warm and comfortable. A passing unpleasant thought slips in. You are now anxious, sick with it. You feel your blood pressure rising. You get out of bed, because you can't sleep anymore. It's 5 am. On the bright side, all the old 80's cartoons are on TV right now. They distract you somewhat from the unpleasant thoughts.

2. 8 am - The anxiety-caused rising has also screwed with your digestive system. You cannot eat, and feel mildly nauseated. You are now tired, anxious and unfed. You curse existence, and go to get dressed.

3. 9 am - You look in the mirror. Anxiety levels spike once more. Your hormones are laughing at you. They aren't even trying to hide it.

4. 10am-12pm - Try to carry on your day as usual, taking care of all the things you need to do one by one. The morning's thought stalks you, until you can't keep it out anymore, at which point it takes up permanent residence in your mind, in a big, garish castle you never even knew was there. But it knew. Oh, how it knew. The hormones move in too. They hold a housewarming party.

5. 12 pm - It's lunch. You suddenly realize you haven't eaten in 15 hours. You rush to the nearest food vendor and buy one of everything. Acquaintances stare as you mow down your third subway. Good friends simply smile knowingly.

6. 1 pm - You're still hungry. You know that caffeine and sugar would cause the thought-hormone residence to GROW. You eat sugar anyway, because if you don't have caffeine, how bad can it be? You ignore the maniacal laughs from the castle.

7. 3-6pm - Very, very bad.

8. 6:30 pm - You go home. You hate yourself, your sex, and the fact that the goddamn hormones KEEP LAUGHING. Your brother calls, and tells you that everyone is busy, so you're home alone for dinner. You hang up, and burst into tears. Nobody loves you. You're an awful, unworthy person that deserves to be alone, and always will be. You don't even have a cat that loves you. You turn on the radio, crawl into bed, hug your giraffe stuffed animal, and weep quietly to the strains of "Toxic", because you can't find the damn remote.

9. 8 pm - You're hungry again. You go downstairs to get some food, and see you have two missed calls on your cell. People called you! You aren't universally hated! People like you! Wait, what if they're calling because they're angry? You start to bite your nails. The castle has just gained another bedroom, and the hormones and the thoughts are now Trading Spaces.

10. 8:30pm-12am - You call the missed calls back. They want to know how you are! They want to hang out! You are the most blessed person alive. But you look awful. You decline going out, ask if they'd like to come over and watch movies instead. They say yes, because they are the best friends in the world. You watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and CSI. The inhabitants of the castle cry foul, and vow vengeance tomorrow. You don't care. Tomorrow is another day, and Warrick Brown is hot.

PS Thanks Tessa (and I know, I went to your house).